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A wizard is never late…

22 Aug

 

“A wizard is never late nor is he early He arrives precisely when he needs to.”
-Gandalf

This is my motto from here on out concerning the arrival of our son:) We are 2 weeks-ish from his due date and I am taking the pressure off of this little one. I will try to make his home inside me as comfortable as possible until he is ready to meet us!

I’ve been keeping very busy this last month on my pregnancy. Daniel and I are trying to get our home in tip top shape, setting up the babies room, baby showers galore, day trips to the mountains, lots of crocheting and knitting, dog portraits all day long and the list goes on and on.

Highlights!

 

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Hey buddy!

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From my pie baby shower:)

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Some of my Art:)

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Vintage and new books for the child:)

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I had a PIE Themed baby shower! It was the bomb!

 

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Babies first crocheted blanket made by mama:)

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Our new baby Olivia the Subaru! Soccer mom realness!

 

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My mama feeling the baby kick. I adore this woman ❤

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Jemez day trip with the puppies:)

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Where do I belong?

27 Mar

Since I have entered my adult years I’ve have been presented with harsh realities about life. Not only does adulthood come with more responsibilities it comes with more knowledge, and more desire to find the truth. As a child its easy to listen to your elders and take everything they told you to be true. Things like right and wrong were really easy to decipher and now there is so much grey area I can basically use logic to argue anything. Whether that “logic” is sound is yet to be discovered.

As a child who grew up in a non-denominational christian household I learned to love and trust in God. We didn’t attend church regularly, we actually didn’t belong to one church. My grandmother was my biggest influence in my spirituality. She taught me from the bible, she sang hymns with me, she showed me that god was love and that he would always take care of me my whole life.  I believed in heaven and hell and was taught you could only get to heaven through Jesus. Even through all my struggles I believe this to be true, but it has still been hard to accept it full heartedly without doubt like I used to back when I was in my youth. My heart has been left wanting, craving more spirituality in my life and I find myself fearing death now more than I ever had. Everything seems so temporary more now than ever. Its like wow life is so short. I ask questions like, what am I doing with my life? am I a good person? will I go to heaven? what will happen when I die? To me these are questions people who have doubt in their heart ask. I don’t want doubt in my heart. I hate it.

I look to spiritual leaders to guide me on my journey but every group I find has something that I don’t feel exactly right with. There is something that man can do to something so pure that I have trouble trusting anyone in the religious community. I’ve always associated myself as a “non denominational” christian because organized religion to me can be easily corrupted. On the other hand I believe as humans we need to have fellowship and communion with other that share your faith. Its hard to be strong on your own. I wish had a place to go where I felt like I belonged, somewhere where I could grow as a christian. Somewhere where I could feel like I could be closer to God. I want to learn about his teachings but I have a hard time learning on my own. My biggest fear is I cannot instill Gods love into my children.

As I write this I can’t help but feel like people I am friends with are horrified. That they think I’m a lunatic, that I’m going to poison my children with fantasies and not let them make there own decisions about life.  Its so hard because the society we live in today makes me feel suffocated. I feel like if I tell someone I have christian beliefs I’m automatically someone who is dangerous, someone who needs to be educated about science, someone that is bigoted…but that couldn’t be further from the truth.I think science rocks. I love everyone. I have friends from every walk of life and I would dare judge them or condemn them, I just love them. That’s all. So I hope people can just love me. Here I am defending my self preemptively before I’m even attacked. I wish I didn’t feel that way, but after seeing the way people, even my friends, can be so narrow minded scares me.

Back to my struggle. Not that the above paragraph isn’t apart of the struggle. Now that it is getting closer to Easter I feel so hopeless of finding a church to go to. I want to be in fellowship with my community celebrating the resurrection of Christ. I want a rebirth of my own spirituality. I want to learn what God wants me to do with my life, I want to be strong enough in my faith that I can share his love with my children. How do I do these things. I pray but they feel empty, I feel distant, I feel sad. My brain can’t explain everything but my heart feels things my brain can’t understand. I’ve always been one to follow my heart. Kinda off point but  why do all the “non denominational” churches have to have rock concerts with smoke machines and light shows. I’m I the only person that just wants some pure acoustic sounds to praise to.

I have so many unanswered questions. Why can’t my brain be soothed with faith? I see spiritual leaders in high profile “non denominational” churches saying things that I believe spreads hate. Not only do I feel like I can’t accept them, I don’t feel like they can accept me. I can’t deny things like evolution and science. I’m hard headed, I’m not a good follower, I am a free thinker. I love Harry Potter.

Is there a place for me out there? Are there more of you out there?

 

 

Whats new..Changes

20 Aug

Look at me, absent from my blog again for over a month. boo. I know.

August 2013 as been one of my more difficult months that I’ve encountered in a while. I’m currently going through many huge transitions in my life and they just keep coming at me.

Daniel, my husband, started Law School this month. He has also been rehearsing for a show about 4 to 5 nights a week. So between those two things we really haven’t really spent quality time together. I am unbelievable happy and proud of him for getting into law school and I am fully on board to be as supportive for him as possible do not misunderstand me, but having the lack of intimacy and quality time has really made me kinda absent in my other activities. We just need to settle into a balance. I know it will come but until then I need to realize that I’m not going through this change alone, we are doing it hand in hand.

Change, change is necessary I believe to have a fulfilled life. Stagnation kills the spirit. Even though change is hard its absolutely essential to life. I truly believe that. My closest friend got the chance to experience the change that I think she really needed in her life. Her change was to leave a job that she had been at for many years, excelled at, but at the same time I believe was sucking the life out of her. Without any more room for learning experiences or promotion she left the job to pursue a new exciting fun opportunity that was presented to her unannounced. We worked together in the same office.  I don’t really like to talk about work much. Its a dreary place. We made the best of it. Having her here really brightened my day. It was nice having someone that would smile, or say something nice about your outfit, instant message about some obscure subject that came to mind. We got to know each other and made a connection that I hope will last forever. So that being said, I am now going through a change with her leaving. The office is dimmer to say the least without the big boisterous red curls that she had. They are still looking to fill the position and me being promoted into it was passed around the table, but unfortunately in the end I was found to not be a good fit and I have come to terms with that. Her position carries a lot of stress with it and I will be happy to support whoever they deem worthy to perform that job. I just really hope they bring someone in that is enthusiastic about life, smiles, and says good morning to me:)

I don’t really know how to end this, I’m still dealing with the changes. I’ve been sicker than a dog for the past 8 days and counting (going to the Dr. again today) so that has made August even more fun. Even though I’m a promoter of change this doesn’t mean I am the best at dealing with it. I’m over it August, bring on September.

Thing to look forward to..

Not being sick anymore, getting back on my workout schedule, being able to taste food again, have a beer, Black Milk’s release of Harry Potter, Cooler weather, SOCKS (I love sock season), Scarves, boots, Balloon Fiesta, Pumpkin Patch, Hot drinks, Halloween, HOildays! Okay I just got myself all kinds of excited:)

Bye!

Pumpkin Painting

19 Oct

Tonight I painted pumpkins with my pal Hollie;) we had a great time. Here is my pumpkins!

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Throwback Thursday – Past Art

18 Oct

Hi!
I know there are a lot of people especially on Instagram who like to post #throwbackthursday photos. Well I wanted to take that concept and use it in a blog. I’ve been taking pictures of everything way way before I had a blog, but I wanted to start fresh with all most posts. So on Thursday’s I would like to do a throwback post to share something with you guys that is old to me, but will be new to you. I have some cool things I’d like to share. Lets see how long this lasts till I cannot delve any deeper into my past with keeping it fresh and interesting. This post is just some art work that I’ve done over the years in different mediums that I searched through some old pictures and found. They are not all great photos, remember this was before I thought I’d be sharing these via social media. I’ve been painting and drawing since I was very little, since I was able to hold a marker. I have always enjoyed doing it and try be creative in ever aspect of my life. I need to make more time for this, because it truly helps me express myself, plus I need to get better and take better pictures of new art to share with you!

Enjoy!

These are some watercolors.
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These are just some stuff I did with my Prisma Color Markers.

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These are pencil and charcoal.

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And these are digital sketches, one is from Draw Something which I actually have a huge collection of but that can get overwhelming, so I just choose one of those. The other is from the sketch pad app I have for my ipad that I like to mess around with on my breaks.

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Yay, I hope you enjoyed some of these that I decided to share with you. I would love some feedback.

Harry Potter Nails

10 Sep

These are some Harry Potter themed nails I did for a Harry Potter Pub quiz called Geeks who Drink, it was really fun!

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Happy Birthday Daniel Radcliffe

23 Jul

Happy Birthday Daniel Radcliffe

HAVE A MAGICAL DAY!!!