Dealing with Body Insecurities is a B.

25 Jun

I’ve always dealt with insecurities about my body as most women and men can relate to. We live in a society where we are scrutinized for the way we look. Its hard for us to fit the mold because we are such a diverse species that come in all shapes and sizes. Its basically impossible to replicate the “perfect” bodies that are shoved down are throats on a daily basis in the media.

For the past year I started a cycle of self loathing.  Everyday I’d get ready in the morning and look in the mirror with complete hatred. I would pinch this fat here and there, do a complete check out of my body and every stretch mark, every inch of cellulite, the overall shape of my body was gross to me. I would cry and complain and get upset, and really I would just overall be depressed. No reassurance from my husband or the thousands of pictures I would take could change the image I had of myself in my head. A small part of the issue was that I hadn’t been able to deal with my stomach issues I had been having that made me bloated 24/7. The other huge issue was I was letting food control me. The final issue was what I was seeing in the mirror was not matching up with the image I had of myself.

Food was and is a big source of enjoyment in my life. I was eating to be happy. It was about the satisfaction I felt when I ate. Since I was a child I was always known to love food. My dad’s nickname for me was cave women and even now jokes will be thrown around that I would fight the dogs for the last bone or scrap of meat. For the most part that is true, I’m a totally carnivore but I was tired of being a slave to needing that last scrap. I’m also tired of playing a guilt game with myself after I black out and eat a million servings of whatever is offered.

I’d have to say that in my current lifestyle I wasn’t as active as I needed to be. I love being outdoors, hiking, swimming, tennis. But I just wasn’t doing it. I work as an administrative assistant mon-fri 8-5. Sitting at a desk all day. It wasn’t doing me any favors.

For the past 3 months I have been concentrating on being a stronger healthier person mentally and physically. I haven’t been following a specific “diet” or plan but I’ve made my own and I have to say I’m really happy with the results I’ve been getting. (Also I hate the word diet, I prefer to call it a lifestyle change.)

The first part of my lifestyle change has been counting my calories. I know this sounds tedious, but its really shown me how much I’m putting into my body and how to have more control over the food I’m eating and not let it control me. I’ve been trying to cook more eat a more balanced diet and eat things that I know are fueling my body not just for satisfaction. More protein, less sugar and salt, more healthy fats, less refined and processed food,  portion control, also laying off the wine and beer during the week. I don’t always plan on counting my calories forever but its teaching me how to eat.

The other part of my routine I’ve been working on is being active during the day. I found a little gym at the bottom of the Biomedical Research Facility and I’ve been going there for my lunch break about 3-5 days a week for the past month. The first time I went I struggled a lot with the workouts and the recovery. Different parts of my workout routine include the stair machine (low impact workouts are key for me because my knees and ankles are very weak and hurt me alot) I also do free weighs, lots of stretching, and lots of core strengthening exercises.

I try to incorporate small things into my life as well; walking to my car which I have to park a half mile away instead of getting dropped off, taking the stairs, more walks with the dogs, and most recently I ordered a yoga ball to sit on at work during my long hours in front of the computer to help with my balance and core. I truly believe even these little steps are helping me.

I feel stronger, I have more endurance, I haven’t had as many stomach problems and I overall feel better. I’ve lost 6 pounds which is pretty low on my goals. (I only weigh myself once every month) I’ve noticed that my clothing fits better.  Most importantly of all I feel very positive with this lifestyle change. The voice inside my head that puts me down is slowly but surely getting quieter. I want to be a strong confident woman who loves herself. I one day want to have children and need to build them a healthy vessel, and when they grow up I want to teach them how to be strong confident people.

Also I still love food, I just have more of an appreciation for what it does for my body. Lets say me and food respect each other more now.


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